pralines and dick

ive had a plethera of dremas lately. i have a hypothesis that its because of excess stress. people tell me you dream more when you eat right before bed, so i could be more stressed, eating more, more dreams. i dont know. but theyre weirding me out.
i think maybe when im more stressed out and these dream sequences come in vast amounts, my white nuckled grip on reality loosens. the dreams are so weird. real. and i dwell on them and what it would be like if they were real, causing me to loose focus on whats really happening.

cant figure out if i like it or not. sometimes its ok if theyre cool dreams, other times its scary and i hate it.

some part of me is telling me to lighten up and stop crying. i think i need more dream medicine, though.

love
ellen

today was fun. odd. fun.

woke up at megs, jesus if last night's getting there wasnt infuriating though. but i did, and i got to talk to tad for a half hour too...yum. anyhoo. im marrying steven, i decided. and i kno wim totally jynxing it by writing it here, but whatever...

meg had a good time at her party even though some drunk girl ripped off her nurse costume in front of everybody. o well...rolls eyes

i went to this indian thingy today in newark ohio, made bead jewelry fit for a crack rock and a night clubbing. very authentic indian shit. but it was fun; afterwards we went to circle mound and i sat on top of one for a while sipping orange soda. it was very calming. i enjoyed time to myself to reenergize.

love
ellen

ps-go visit an indian mound if you feel lost. i found a little bit more to myself today.

and yeah beotches, im goin to her party. i got her this great present too...even though i really still wanna take her to used kids and have her roam around for whatever she wants. i heart her

theo

rarr

all natural blonde

four or more eyebrow piercings

an unfortunate nose

theo

foxxy georgous

do you know him?

cuz i dont

theo

see you monday

fin




so yeah, now that i met tad, hes way too kickass to even...i mean its surreal. i know this is kind of a random entry and i havent updated for a while, bu ti went to allie's last weekend and went with her to a party where tad(gorgeous boy, even though no one else seems to think so...just cuz of his jew nose (THAT I LOVE BECAUSE IM AN ADRIEN BRODY PERVERT). anyways, we kinda talked, and allie tries to get us to kiss...i know shes tries not to be kreepy, but people cant talk freely when forced...at least i cant. but it was so much fun because we stayed up until seven, which means i stayed up a grand total of twenty six hours. yikes. and we watched the devils rejects FUCKED UP. and man...its just great having stuff slowly turned around. he was alseep on the couch and i came out and woke him up gently and told him i was sorry if i creeped him out last year and he told me dont even worry bout it and i gave him my number when we dropped him off and he called me the next day and invited me to a party he was having. i know its WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYto early to say anything, but it was just fun you know? excercising crush demons...theyll bite me in the ass eventually, but right now im enjoying the ride.
right now the fact that my presence doesnt make theodore evens physically sick is keeping a smile on my face 24/7. (thats his real name btw)...
sigh, awesome.
i have thursday and friday off, and i really wanna get back up to deleware and hang with my g's...oops, skin check, still whhite. allie's boyfriend shes living with right now is dylan, tad's best friend. that sthe only way we met and stuff. its almost creepy when once in a lifetime stuff happens twice. i really thought tad would just be one of those peter moon's or brad blasings that i could sit back, hope was an asshole, and forget.
bu this bitch into techno. kick ass.

nope,not dead.
this year's festival of the hills outorcked last year's by a longggg shot. i met more people, dance more, ate more cheesecake(and i didnt have ANY last year because i fell asleep too early), did more drugs and just had an overall better time.
i almost fell in like with a cowboy(age 25+?) who was playing tiny dancer on his guitar around a campfire. awseomeness.

from michelle zack-"I LOVE YOU AND IM DEFFINITELY GONNA MISS ME U AND MICHELLE'S CRAZY ASS TIMES WHEN U LEAVE!! MOVIES!! <3333 thats basically all we ever do. and put on fake nails at midnight, of course. and watch ghetto ass music videos, and sing kareoke!!! which i dont know how to spell! yea its fucking fun and im gonna miss it!!! "
from michelle checchia-"woww michelle, stay away from my cousin. OOK!. jkk we can share her.
haha ellen we have had a lot of great timess. hahaha
from all the movies we watched with michelle and just us. the heart is decietful above al lthings. gfd... not very goood. eh yea we didnt like that. PIERCING EARS! :]
uh.... VAGINA BUNNY. hhahahahahahaha. wow. horse's ass. dying my hair and highlighting it . which didnt really work out but o well haha . stupid idiotic boys that dont deserve SHIT. i hate them. all. k well now im mad. haha jk
in the next like 4 days or whatever, were watching:
rock horror
pet semetary
ANDDD, OF COURSE,
TROLL 2
and troll. which is surprisly creepy we are told!
ooo yaaahahah hEWOO HOO im excited.
i better get them within the next like day.
i will kill
bill
hahahah
funny
i pulled that out of my ass
hahahaa we just had a conversation on that

kthxloveyoubye<3 "





from me to mz-"IM GUNN A MISS YOU TOO!!! not even kidding, this whole summer has kicked so much ass, me you and michelle rock. if trolls 2 comes after i leave i give you guys full permission to enjoy it to its upmost fullness. o yeah, our karaoke owns the rest of the world's karaoke, and those music videos ar emy dirty habbit.....


"no fair daddy no fair. "
enjoy cheerleading camp, even though we all know who is the best cheerleader ever....me! definatly gunna miss you and michelle trying to sign the words to pearl jam *shudders* "

to mc-"girl i been shakin and think trynna getto yooooo and dat booty trynna get to yooooo and that monkey.
"I SAID GADDAMN godamnnn"
"lois thu roddd! the roddd lois GET THE BABY!"
"omebody get in my car so i can act like a star so i can turn up the bass like WHORE WHORE"
"bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum, mister sandman, yeeeeeeeesssssssssss, bring me a treat bum bum bum bum!"
" GRANDPA GRANDPA!, just touch it, just touch it!"
"stay golden pony boy"
" for two months bender, i gotcha, two months, i gotcha"
"ARTAXXX, DONT LET THE SADNESS CONSUME YOU ARTAXXX.....artax?"
"well fuck you very much"
"this is the best/my favorite expression like in the whole world!"
"michelle, are you serious or are you just talking out of your ass?
"the dogs are acting strnagely(cut to shot of the farm dogs riding in wagons in little costumes)"
"WHAT DO YOU WANT WAHHH? i want your blood alll over me!!!"
"i ked tell yah, but od av tuh kill yah! mah mah mah mah ahaha!"
"I DONT WANNA ROCK*rock* DJ, BUT YOURE MAKIN ME FEEL SO NICE, WHENS IT GUNNA STOP*stop* DJ, CUZ YOURE KEEPIN ME UP ALL NIGHT"
"and i will strike down with great vengence and furious anger, m those who try to strike down ands destroy my brothers, for you will know my name is the lord!!!! (WHAT?!?! WHAT AINT NO COUNTRY, THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN WHAT? ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT? DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH? no! THEN WHY YOU TRYIN TO FUCK HIM LIKE A BITCH? what? BANG!)"
"zeds dead baby, zed's dead...its not a motorcycle baby its a chopper"

VAGINA BUNNIES 4 LIFE-SUMMER 06' "




awesome times. just keepin these memories in this journal...for shits and giggles i guess.
love
ellen

is the best cheesy-fakeass-overpriced haunted house on wheels ever!
seriosly people, if you are at all interested in haunted houses at carnivals/circuses/fairs/whatevers...this one beats all.
me and my family went to the beach last week and it kicked ass...i mean besides the actual beach. overall the beach was beautiful, from a distance. im the whitest american i know of besides my albino friends, so of course i got incredible sunburn despite massive amounts of sun screen... the ocean was realllly cold, which did suck. but i had a great time overall. i went out by myself one of the nights we were there. we got a hotel room right by the beach(dont ask me how much that was, my aunt and uncle are well off...and they paid for it). but the night i went out i stoff there looking at the beach for a good half hour. it was so beautiful...
anyways, about this great haunted house. ide never been to a boardwalk before. ive seen lost boys, so i kind of knew what to expect. and this boardwalk was very coney island-esk. everything was fried, i had my first deep fried oreo, and it sucked ass. when we first got there i looked around with the other cousins. this "haunted mansion" stood out because it was well lit because the moon and ocean were sillohted behind it. it was eehrie and beautiful at the same time. the music that was comming from it had the same tune that disneys's haunted mansion had comming from it, which i didnt remember until after i went in, making the whole thing even scarier. i didnt realize it at the time, but i must have been staring for a while, because the guy taking ride tickets(wearing a black cloke thingy) looked strait back at me after a while. my family was behinf me deciding how many tickets each kid should get wheres the food o god grammas tired already blah blah blah. im still staring when i notice the ticket collecter get off his chair and come walking down the pathway of the haunted house and reach the fake gaits, still staring at me and my cousins. then i back up, because all of this stupid built up tension in me. and i know what youre thinking, dumb haunted house thing, who gets scared of those? but this dude kept comming, like he came out of his jurisdiction and started following me back to the mass of wyatt's and checchia's i had strayed from. my cousins came with me back to the adults and finally the guy backed up off this and went back to his chair in the "mansion" after doing the "come hither" fingers at me. more like the "you know you wanna spend six bucks getting in here to see this" fingers. and boy was that guy a salesman...silently from twenty feet away...
so i debated in my head. ive been to two haunted houses at fairs before this. one was a goosebumps related 3d peice of crap that was obviously computer animated. th other was a ride that was half broken down and just stupid. do i even wanna waste fie minutes of boardwalk time that could just as easily be as stupid as my lat two experiences? sure, what the hell, ya know?
plus my ten year old cousin nick wanted to go really bad anyways. his sister was the only cousin that wouldnt go. so it was me and nick and michelle, the cousin im living with right now. she rocks.
so the adults buy our tickets and we walk up the pathway to the "haunted mnsion". im already kinda freaking out because of the reminiscent music playing and the kreepy carni taking tickets. we all push each other through this thing, and there's another guy in the building on wheels dressed as a docter with fake blood all over his white jacket. both the guy taking tickets and the docter have this really morose face on, either from complete contempt of their job and bordom, or from loving their job and wanting to do the best they can at scaring little kids. either way they both rocked balls. this thing couldt have been more than the size of your average trailer, but it was like a maze inside, very small hallways. smal room-like windows and wall cutouts showed a bunch of skeletons dripping gunk so each one looked like the androgenous krypt keeper from "tales from the krypt". you could here the docter running somewhere in the building and weird noises comming from everywhere. fake arms popped out of the ceiling and the floors lit up with that stupid green light thats suppose to be all sci-fi. but it was AWESOME! my favorite part from it was this "S" shaped hallway that was covered top-to-bottom with black and white checkers,barlylit by a strobe light and booming out ice cream truck music. scared the shit out of me because supposidly that doster dude was still chasing you. we finally got outside and ended up behind the haunted house facing the moon over the ocean. i barely stopped running to notice that behind this place was a really well kept garden, i kid you not, they kept really pretty flowers growing healthfully behind the "haunted mansion". so me, michelle, and nick are almost out, i can see the parents waiting for us, and i stop to see if that guy is chasing us anymore. he wasnt, but i turned around so fast and mistaked poor, tiny nick for him and screamed at the top of my lungs i his face. nick laughed his ass off and i was shaking.
awesome.
greatest six bucks a family member has ever spent on me.
my god, ill be telling megs kids this story when im sixty.
it was incredible.

after all that i was kind of quiet for a while and nic told everyone about how me and michelle were total pussies and screamed at everything and nick was the only one of us that didnt scream. ha, good job lil buddy, love you, you show those dead bodies who's boss.

me and michelle and katie walked around the boardwalk looking for things to waste our parents money on. i almost got a belly button ring from this weird scandinavian girl begind the counter of a bathing suit store. "no way girl, itll look hot on you, i know way bigger girls who have them and it looks great if youve got the confidence, by the way, how old are you?" 17.haha, conversation over! michelle bought a bathing suit there, so everyone was happy. katie got a henna tattoo from this weird small guy who told her he looked up her skirt on accident. michelle also got hit on by a drunk guy on the boardwalk. nothing new. i bought this great new purple hippy purse, so i might give allie my faux prada one. its all good.

it was so awesome...i wanna like pop a tent on the edge of the boardwalk and live there. those freaky people seem like my people. i could start up a nail place and paint palm trees on peoples nails. i also found a couple places that sold pipes and hookas, along with the predictable glow in the dark gaudy peircing jewelry. wicked.

ok, im tired of typing. my nails are growing and my job barely lets me work any hours a week, but my dad calle dme the other day telling me to forget about paying off my loan, he wants me to save money, and that when i get back i can get my temps. life is good.

love
ellen

ps-IMPORTANT, if you wanna see what im talking about when i say disney has a creepy haunted house with an eerie song, its the tag at the bottom. check it out, its dumb as fuck, but i rememebr seeing it when i was four and almost crapped my pants. GRIM GRINNING GHOSTS
never mind, that didnt really work. just go to youtube.com and type in disney haunted mansion sing along. it will be the only video there.

yay, my cousin katie just arrived from indiana, and shes awesome.

we were just talking about family and she made the smartest comment about barb and her weird ways.

"i dunno, the family says she influences your dad a lot"
"what do you think abotu her?"
"umm, shes too...stick up her butt"

and i laughed and laughed for hours on end. then i made journal entry about it.

a bit has happend since my spree in manhattan...or however the hell you spell it. i got a job at friendly's, and its a god send. havent gotten the first pay check yet, i started last monday, but its all good. i like the people there a lot. it seems like everyone has so much more energy than me though...like the girls are hyper as chickens and the guys either look like gweedo or theyre hot...like leo. hes my new interest, dont know anything about him, great start. dont worry people, ill find something wrong with him.

im doing one of two things tomorro. either taking a train to rhode island and visiting my moms side of the family, or driving into nyc to see my uncle jerry's dad and an art museum or two. i ddint get my work schedule until ten thirty tonight, so i couldnt call my aunt on my moms side to tell her when i could come this week. ive got monday and tuesday off so yeah... we'll see.

ive been downloading alllll the freakin eagles of deathmetal and queens of the stone age songs i can find. im so in love with them, not any more than the strokes, but theyre all great. sometimes people that arent into the same music as me tell me all about theyre emo ass shitty favorite bands, and i think theyre emo as fuck. i wonder what people that dont share my same interest in music think of my taste in music. it sure as fuck isnt "shes emo as fuck"...so what would it be? o well...gota stock up on new music for my train/car drive for tomorro.

love
ellen

ps
meg barley calls, and somewhere deep inside me, it really really hurts. most of the time im still shell shocked about being here, but every once in a while it hits me really hard that we are loosing touch, and im trying so hard to call every chance i get. weve been over it so many times, no shes not sending me hints that she doesnt wanna be friends anymore, how could i think that youre my best friend ellen blah blah blah...but for christs sake, now ive got a job and see how time canfly by, it still isnt a good enough excuse for never calling when she says she will. its hell. i love her so much and i miss her more than my own family.....
jesus, maybe i just need a boyfriend and ill get over her like she got over me.

hellllllz yes!!!!!!!!!!


ellen went to the city today
she rode the train there
it smelled like windex
then she and her aunt got off and walked past ground zero
they walked all the way to canal street
at canal street, ellen saw many strange things
many people wanted to sell her rolexs
and handbags
the merchants were very persuasive
ellen's aunt protected here, because ellen is a rube
finally, ellen saw something she liked
a small asian lady led her many blocks
and down a flight of stairs
and into a long white corridor
that brought ellen and her aunt to a locked door
the lady unlocked it
lo and behold, faux prada, faux coach, faux gucci
everything!
ellen looked for a long time
then she found it!
the purse of her dreamsthe lady said 40$
ellen's aunt said 35
then the lady said 37
ellen said yes!
after this happy purchase, ellen was parched
her ad her aunt went for coffee
after hours more of shopping
a trip to the empire state building
ellen was TIRED!
ellen and her aunt took the subway home
it smelled like windex and pee
ellen took a shower when she got home
washed the city right out of her hair!

"good day", she thought.

THE END

ps, two days ago marked two hundred and fifty days until i turn eighteen...what is that, like a fourth of the way there? anyways, its kinda cool.